How many people work for Madison? - 61,000 and change. Our dream was to one day turn it over to our only son Billy. My late wife Emily and I started this company.with a 15-unit motel in Patchogue, Long Island. I just think he might not be mature enough to run a Fortune 500 company. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Oh, my God! I am the winner! - Billy is not an idiot. Hey, Billy, who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson? Jack Nicholson now, or 197 4? '7 4. One, two, three! Hey, Billy, how come you ain't poundin' any tonight? I don't know. (fast gibberish ) That's it, Billy! Get the hell outta here! (slow gibberish ) - Nice talkin' to you, Billy. This is a big night for me tonight, gents. (yells gibberish ) Please, Billy, please, no gibberish tonight, please. Gentlemen, I can't thank you enough for coming this evening. Well, this guy can stay in my room, I'll tell you that much. Because you took your sweet-*** time coming down here.these gentlemen will miss their flights. Did you fall asleep or did you pass out? Shut up! That's enough, Billy. You think so? - I fell asleep by the pool for a few hours. (slurps ) - Hey, Carl, what's up? - Nothing much, Billy. Oh, really, fool? Really! Stop looking at me, swan. Where's Billy? Juanita said he'd be down in a few minutes. And our operations manager Carl Alphonse. Have you all met? Eric Gordon, my executive vice president. Sorry doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach, does it, Carl? Gentlemen? I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. If you'd told me there were Triscuit crackers.

Oh, that boy's a fine piece of work all right. You gotta dress yourself up and look nice, too. Now you get yourself upstairs and get ready. Billy! You shouldn't pull that crap in front of your father's business associates. There's nothing to worry about, big fella. They'll treat you real respectable, like. Whee-hee! Call the zoo! All the people at the zoo are very nice, penguin. Don't run! Don't run from me! Penguin! Penguin. No! Penguin! Don't you dare run away! Come here, Mr Penguin! I'm one of the good guys, penguin. There no penguin! - (squawks ) It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around here. Ah! Oh! (squawking ) Holy jeez! Lookee what we got here. Nudie-magazine day! Nudie-magazine day! Nudie-magazine day! Nudie. What's today? - October? It's nudie-magazine day! Yeah! Watch out, butler! Ooh, you're a quick one. Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember. Have five daiquiris? No, you remembered to do that.

There's something important I was supposed to do today. ~ Suntan lotion is good for me ~ You protect me ~ Tee-hee-hee Oh, the sun tries to burn me, but you won't let it, will ya? Ultraviolet rays - bad.

Billy madison script